Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
