Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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