i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
