You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
