this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
