I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
