I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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