Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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