I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
