In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Rumble strips road head = magical
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
