Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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