I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
