TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
