im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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