Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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