Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
