the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
this hospital has no fireball
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
