I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
