I have demons in me.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize