how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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