i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
