She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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