my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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