The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
