I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Randomize
