i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
True strength comes from lack of pants
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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