also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
