my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
