so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
