my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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