I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
