He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
