just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
