so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
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