You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
