My friends, they love my intelligence
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I love having hate sex.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
did i just pee glitter
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