she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
