I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize