She's JV to your varsity
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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