you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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