If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
