why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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