Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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