He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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