How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize