third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
