He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I'm really busy with my period
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