I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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