Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
someone owes me an orgasm
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
