dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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