D3 body, D1 cock
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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