She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
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