is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
