Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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