Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
