Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
