shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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