My brain says no but my pants say off.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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