my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
