I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Randomize
