Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
