Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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