I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
