oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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