I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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