I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
