I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
