alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
