You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
