It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
ugly people sure do ruin things
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
