The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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