thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
