Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
