Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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