Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
