and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
