I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
