I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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