i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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