Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
