Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
