I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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