it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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