Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
