Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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