so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
vagina is talking i cant
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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