im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize