the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Buhtt sex?
I am midnight drunk by noon
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
